Letting Go.

Back at the begining of the year my oldest daughter decided she didn't like the rules in my house and stopped coming for visitation. It was an ugly scene because she chose to get physical with her step dad, shoving him into the wall. Now, my first born is no petite girl-ly girl and there was only one thing to do, call the sherrif and have her removed. If we had tried to physically restrain her, someone was bound to get hurt. She hauled 5 or 6 trash bags of "her stuff" out of the house (she had lived here for a few months the year before and had a lot of stuff here, but I never got to go through and see just what she took.) Months later she showed up at my door wanting to claim the rest of "her stuff", which resided in a closet in the room the kids use when they visit. She brought the sherrif with her this time. I relayed to him that she had decided she was too grown to obey the rules in my house and had elected to no longer visit so I was not interested in allowing her into my home as long as that was how she felt. I also told him that she took bags full of stuff when she left and I wasn't going to allow her to dig through my stuff (just about everyone has property in the extra closet). He told her if there was anything of value here she wanted she should get a lawyer. Like I said, the whole thing was ugly.

I've only talked to or seen her since then when picking up her brother, who is much easier to handle when she isn't here. Usually she sticks her head out the door to see if her sister is with me and comes out to talk to her, ignoring me. I've tried to break the ice a little, give her an out because I remember what it is like to be a teen who thinks they know everything and I know that it is hard to swallow your pride and smooth things over with a parent. I won't bend over backwards though. I will not lay out a welcome mat and invite her to walk all over me, my husband and the rest of the family. I've sat and heard her sob stories about her dad, comisserated with her on the subject (he and I flat out do not get along and he was very abusive to me) and I even opened my home to her and let her move in once. But I know that right now, she is "daddy's darling" because she isn't speaking to me. I am sure she's boo-hooed to him and his live in girlfriend about me and I've seen and heard evidence of how they buy her love.

Someday she will grow up for real and have real life experiences and find out the truth about how it is.

I cleaned out the closet today. I have 3 bags of clothes and a tote with dolls, make-up, shoes and other misc. stuff. Tomorrow I pick up my son for a month so I will drop off her stuff when I get him.

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